Saturday, February 16, 2008

Wakey wakey....

Good Morning Sunshine! Another day has come, how special is that? (poke, smile)

I did clean the apartment last night ( I was not sure I would actually accomplish that feat) I did however leave my office alone, I may try to tackle that today. Coz. Yeah. It needs it.

I need to make a grocery run and clean out my car. It needs to be washed and vacuumed something terrible, but I believe that will need to wait.

I decided I was making zucchini lasagna for the potluck. Unless I change my mind again before I go to the store.

I have a NEW platonic friend (yes indeed, this girl knows how to draw in those men who are emotionally unavailable!!) He is a sweet guy and truly is not available for anything other than a friendship. He is coming over for tea this afternoon. I tried to convince him that he should come over for tea AND a long brisk walk, he didn't bite on that one.

So, you see, As I was saying before, these are the types of men that I am finding. No one WANTS me, they simply want my friendship. I certainly can not complain about that.

I have discussed here my internal "love" switch. Allow me to elaborate a bit more on that.

My heart is just too big and I have so much love to give. I have this internal switch that I typically keep in the OFF position. This means that I don't feel this strong desire to GIVE all of my heart away. When it is ON, then I feel this need to give all of that to someone. I am certain most of you know what I am talking about. That desire to give love, to love someone unconditionally, deeply, truly share your entire being with them. That is the most beautiful gift. When you are not able to share that with someone, there is an empty spot there. So it seems that I have this switch that sort of hides that, puts those desires away and allows me to live my life happily just as it is. Of course sharing part of my heart with my friends is wonderful. Not just anyone can turn on that switch, so when it gets turned on, it is almost a shock to my system. So that is what I have had lots of thoughts about this week. Just locating the switch and getting it turned off again.

I of course am wondering about the future, and the possibility that I will be alone.......that panic sits there for me......the key word here is FUTURE........if I am going to spend moments NOW, panicking about the future.....then I am spoiling my moments now...........and THAT I will not have. So......who knows what tomorrow will bring..........I have today and I have some really wonderful friends and that makes me feel really loved and cared for in THIS moment.

PS.....I have a date tomorrow........:o) A new guy.....who IS emotionally available........soooo.....we shall see.......he is nice.....not sure that he is my shall see.


Little said...

Like my mom told me....
"Don't go and fall in love with a puppy from the first breeder you visit." ;-)


Catie said...

Honey.....I have been fucking single (no, I take that back, I don't even get to fuck much single) for 20 years!! Seriously, do you know how many puppies I have looked at? ACK!

It just seems every time I find "THE" puppy......that puppy runs in the opposite direction of me. And....I am too fucking old to start chasing puppies now....LOL. So, I need a lap puppy who comes and jumps in my lap. :o)