Saturday, April 17, 2010

I should expect it!

I should expect it, this "let down" feeling after sweating blood over course work and now it is nearly finished (one paper and 2 classes to show up for on Monday). It seems to me that I should feel ecstasy and all I am is totally grumpy. I think that maybe part of it is the proposal for my dissertation won't have any feedback on it for about 10 days, and I just wanted to know NOW that it was a great piece of work. The other part is, the apartment is a disaster zone (although Dave has tried so hard to keep it basically clean) but there are just things that I do, that he doesn't notice or even know to do. There seems to be no break yet. I didn't get my season tickets for the football season (no money), My car lease was due last Wednesday, so I look out of the window every moment to be sure it isn't being hauled off. I need to call and ask for a month extension. The job is great, except it is going to take me at least a month to get everything caught up. This degree has ruined my credit, so I will have to beg my bank to loan me the money for the buy out on my car. I owe money to people, I need to get my tickets and room for Chrystal's wedding, I need to get a dress for her wedding, I need to HELP her with her wedding..............on and on I could go. I guess it is just everything that I couldn't let myself be too concerned about during the term, that is still there now that the term is nearly over. I hope to goodness that I get a full time job at this place. The VP is taking me to dinner to discuss it next week. Although, I worked for 9 hours yesterday and basically spoke to no one. I am not sure that my fellow employees like me all that much, but then again, I am writing an infection control plan (I wrote nearly 20 policies yesterday) so I am not running around being social. I just hear everyone talking and laughing and think, will I fit in? I need to remember I am really super grumpy right now! I think I just needed to say all of that. So if you read it. I am so sorry!!!! Today, I won't go to the Spring game, I will try to get this place in shape, call Toyota, pay some bills and go to the laundromat. I also will go to the bead shop to get a cabochon for the necklace that I am making for Chrystal's wedding (yes, I am making her jewelry). That will be a fun thing today! Dave and I had a melt down last night, so hopefully there is no tension today (he is off work today). Guess I better get to it!

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

2 Weeks!

2 More weeks, I think I can make it! It is tough at the end of the term with so much to do for school and as much time as possible is needed at work. Plus, after one paycheck, things still are not back on track financially. Which I expected, yet still brings stress to the situation as well. So for now, it is nose to the grindstone 24/7 for the next 2 weeks, at which time I will get my second paycheck, school will be finished and my bills for March and April should be paid. Although, how ever in the world will I get a loan for my car that the lease is due on April 14th, I really have no clue, this degree has ruined my credit! I am hoping that the job will explain to my bank that I had extenuating circumstances and now I have a job and get on my knees and beg them to take a chance on me. If I don't have a car, I don't have a job.

Ok well. That might be enough doom and gloom for one day, plus I need to get ready and get to work. You all know that it will all work out, I really have no doubt, It is the living through it that I am dreading!

Sunday, April 04, 2010

Weekend to remember

Chrystal arrived on Friday. We had so much fun. Saturday we spent hours trying on wedding dresses and found the perfect one! She looked beautiful and it is ordered. Spending time with her is such a joy. She just left and my heart is so sad. I don't quite understand why that is. Obviously I know that she is my daughter and I love her, however there almost feels like an empty place in my heart now that she is gone. I think part of it is that I am amazed at what a incredible person she has grown in to and we have such a beautiful relationship. Even if I lived back home, I wouldn't see her very much, so it isn't so much that I live farther away. It isn't that I don't love my life here (I really do). So I don't quite logically understand the sadness that I feel. I just know that I feel it and likely it is a good thing. There are things that I should focus on at this point and I just want to curl up and cry. That doesn't sound productive in any way, so I thought writing out my feelings might help get me back on track. Thank goodness that I have Dave, I can't even imagine if I was here alone after Chrystal left. I am grateful, truly.

Now, I need to write for school, I need to make this proposal a work of art!

Thursday, April 01, 2010

Busy, as in, beyond busy!

Sorry for not keeping you up to date. There are 3 weeks until the end of the term and with 2 jobs, I am busting it! Dissertation proposal is taking up way too much of my time, however it is necessary. Fortunately my second job I was able to get the project to a point that I can put it on hold until the end of the term. My "real" job (which I love) has a joint commission visit coming probably on the 12th, which happens to be the last week of classes, in which I have 2 presentations and my proposal due. Blah blah, i could go on, but there is no point. I am just VERY busy and I will catch you all up soon with a great update of how I am so very excited to be FINISHED with the course work that is required to obtain my PhD! :)