Name Change

Ok, this is something that I have been contemplating and I need to make a decision now. You all know me as Katie. My legal name is Catherine (yes with a "C"). Now that I am doing research, writing, submitting...etc. It all goes under Catherine. I do NOT want to be called Catherine, I adore the name Katie. The "C" and "K" thing is weird though. So, I am thinking of switching Katie to Catie. That way I get to keep it, and it is not so different than Catherine.

What do you all think?


PS....the whole Crush thing is being "worked" on. Sorry for the ambiguity, I am in a continuous loop of learning.....the universe doesn't seem to take breaks from such things! New Scott is a wonderfully insightful, gentle, kind man, something I have been looking for. The trouble is, I "caught" him at the wrong time. So, it really is a matter of figuring out just what to do from this point. No matter what I decide, or what transpires, one thing I do know for sure. I will be fine :o)

One might think........

It seems to me that I spent enough time hurting.......wouldn't it just seem karmically fair that I have at least a little time to be happy and enjoy something that I haven't been able to enjoy in way too long? Yeah. Well. Wishful thinking.

This could just be a low point in the day............I will no more tomorrow......but....it really doesn't look so promising as it once did. Sorta sucks you know.


Little is here.........wwoohooo!! I get to go have fun now....laterssssssss

Namaste

If you are not aware of this word, allow me to introduce you to it.

Namaste
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Namasté or Namaskar (नमस्ते [nʌmʌsˈteː] from internal sandhi between namaḥ and te) is an Indian greeting or parting phrase as well as a gesture. It is commonly used by Hindus and Buddhists.
Taken literally, it means "I bow to you". The word is derived from Sanskrit (namas): to bow, obeisance, reverential salutation, and (te): "to you".[1]
When spoken to another person, it is commonly accompanied by a slight bow made with hands pressed together, palms touching and fingers pointed upwards, in front of the chest. The gesture can also be performed wordlessly and carry the same meaning.

"I honor the Spirit in you which is also in me." -- attributed to author Deepak Chopra[citation needed]
"I honor the place in you in which the entire Universe dwells, I honor the place in you which is of Love, of Integrity, of Wisdom and of Peace, When you are in that place in you, and I am in that place in me, we are One."[3][4]
"I salute the God within you."
"I recognize that we are all equal."[5]
"The entire universe resides within you."[5]
"The divine peace in me greets the divine peace in you."[5]
"Your spirit and my spirit are ONE." -- attributed to Lilias Folan's shared teachings from her journeys to India.[citation needed]
"That which is of the Divine in me greets that which is of the Divine in you."[6]
"The Divinity within me perceives and adores the Divinity within you".[7]

The link from where I plagiarized this from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Namaste

I used to use this word a lot. Somehow Peace started to replace Namaste. I love this word. I love bowing to people, I love the act both verbally and physically to say..........All that is good in me, honors all that is good in you. It is a beautiful gesture. Of course actually bowing to people isn't done much in the Western world. Although often when I am sharing a conversation with someone, and I stop to thank them for listening, or for sharing such a deep part of themselves, I find that my hands come together and my head bows to them.

So, most often for now, I will be ending my posts with this, rather than the word Peace. Namaste says what I feel and incorporates Peace as well.......a much better option!

Namaste.

Decisions

Well, nearly 50 responses to my "singles ad". More come in every single day. I have stopped responding. I also am not communicating with any of the remaining guys. I have met two good friends and that seems to me, enough for now. I know that at some point I am interested in a "relationship", but for right now, it feels right to simply have two friends added to my life.

I grew very tired of the process. I found that interesting. It was fun for a bit, then it just seemed to suck so much out of me. No doubt that through these two friends that I will make more new friends as well. I think it is good to focus on what is enough, rather than being greedy and raking in more! What a terrific success this has been! I could not have asked for anything more.

*****It is time for an "enter at your own risk" posting. Be forewarned that this is personal introspection and if you prefer to not know my inner most thoughts, stop reading now.....LOL!*****

First I want to write out something that I read the other day (from Mark Nepo's Book of Awakening):

In loving ourselves, we love the world. For just as fire, rock, and water are all made up of molecules, everything, including you and me, is connected by a small piece of the beginning.

Yet, how do we love ourselves? It is as difficult at times as seeing the back of your head. It can be as elusive as it is necessary. I have tried and tripped many times. And I can only say that loving yourself is like feeding a clear bird that no one else can see. You must be still and offer your palmful of secrets like delicate seed. As she eats your secrets, no longer secret, she glows and you lighten, and her voice, which only you can hear, is your voice bereft of plans. And the light through her body will bathe you till you wonder why the gems in your palm were ever fisted.

There is more to this writing, but this will help me get my point across.

At the core of who I am, there has been a belief that I am not lovable. This goes back to some pre-verbal experience that very likely was nothing intentional, but somehow I have held this belief throughout my life. Certainly, I have overcome this many times and have been successful in my life, yet this little nagging belief always seemed to linger around and often catch me unaware. I grew so very tired of this. I began doing some really good work to not just "fight it", but to learn to recognize it, maybe even comfort that part of me that had been hurt so long ago, and then reassure myself that it was simply a thought that comes and goes and to let it go. This has been a process, and even my physical appearance had taken on a protection barrier, that now can be removed. But in this process I discovered that I was not letting myself out fully. My fists had been clenched around the gems of who I am, fear squeezing my fingers tight around them. This was my final step.......to release my fists and open my palms and share myself........me, the wonderful and beautiful person that I am......to really share that with the world. So you see the writing above describes that process so beautifully. Once I released my fists, and I saw how radiant it really is............I had to wonder why I had clenched my fists for so long!

I am so grateful to have unclenched my fists. I am so grateful to all of my friends who have loved me, even when I wasn't always sharing myself fully.

"Loving yourself requires a courage unlike any other. It requires us to believe in and stay loyal to something no one else can see that keeps us in the world - our own self-worth. When we believe in what no one else can see, we find we are each other. And all moments of living, no matter how difficult, come back into some central point where self and world are one, where light pours in and out at once. And once there, I realize - make real before me- that this moment, whatever it might be, is a fine moment to live and a fine moment to die."

Peace.

Yeah me!

I get to have lunch with BIg tomorrow! I am looking forward to that! Remember when I told you all that I bought tickets for the musical society performances during the student half price sale? Well, the first "show" is this Sunday. This is a dance company that appears to be interesting, and since I am lame and can't ever remember how to link things properly, I won't direct you to the website (Little, you must help me with this!) Anyway.......it looks like it could be FUN and it looks like it could be fun as in, "this is so fucking lame, whey the hell did I spend money for the tickets and even worse, why did I dare drag along a friend??? ROFL So, Little has agreed to be my escort and we are also going to grab some dinner before the show. Lucky me, I get both Scott's, just at different times!

Andrew worked me way to easy today. I think he was trying to determine if I could keep up with him. I may LOOK like I can't keep up.......but I actually can run circles around most people. We did 30 minutes of walking (outside) and 25 minutes of rowing. I was like.....ummmmm, is that all? He was like, "wasn't that enough". Yeah. well. I was hoping for mind numbing, body aching, whip me into shape hard! So we have plans to workout again on Friday, this time he knows I can keep up with his little 19 year old ass! He is one smart kid, but he also has no self confidence. It is going to be good for him to hang out with me for a while!! So we will both benefit from this arrangement!

Ok, I think it is time for me to consider turning down the covers and climbing into bed........I am feeling a little "drained" tonight.......in an emotional sense. I am not sure why..........just sort of having a low moment I suppose. Not LOW low.....just a noticeable dip in my usual cheery disposition. Nothing a good night's sleep won't cure!

(PS, BIG.......I have a meeting at 9am, will be finished by 10am.....email me about what time you will be coming and what type of food are you hungry for?........see you soon!!)

Peace.

Quickie

To bad I didn't mean quickie in the sexual way....hee hee. Anywho....just a quick update. I worked on data analysis today. Trust me, pivot charts and I and good friends! Then I had to read through a transcript of an interview that I gave. Doesn't sound so bad huh? Yeah. Well. A sweet girl from Taiwan did the transcribing and I can almost not even understand what I said! The broken english is bad, but the translation of many of the words I spoke are not even close. Needless to say the transcription is FILLED with corrections. Oye.....8 pages down, 5 to go.

However, I am about to head out to meet Andrew for a work out. He is picking me up this time, so there will be no missed opportunity. Not exactly sure what my plans are for this evening, but I do know that it will involve some amount of pain after my time with Andrew :o)


Peace.

Frustrating

Tonight was a frustrating one. Going to school at a large university has it pros and cons. Tonight you get to hear about the cons. They act like every student lives on campus. I have my appointment with my gym buddy Andrew and it was the first time that I went to this gym, and I quickly discovered that there is NOT ONE FUCKING PARKING SPACE. Not even any street parking. WHAT THE FUCK? Seriously. So I drive around, trying frantically to find some place to ditch my car so I can run to the gym and not be late for Andrew. I finally park in a "blue" lot, which requires a permit, but often those are open after 5pm (I didn't look close enough to know if this was one of them) but, oh by the way, the lot is full, cept for 8 handicap parking spots. Yep, you guessed it, I did it. I parked in the handicap spot, saying, (out loud mind you) "I am handicapped, I am fucking retarded!" Rofl. Seriously, I KNEW better than to assume that there would be parking at this location, since they provide virtually NO parking anywhere else I need to go on Campus. Shit. So Andrew was a no show, unless he only waited for me for 5 minutes. I waited for 20 minutes, but I was so freaked out about my car, that I just left. Fortunately my car was still there and no ticket. I got a parking ticket early today, since after my class the graduate student assistant asked to meet with the seminar group after class and kept us for one whole hour, as I sat there, knowing my meter had run out.......and sure as the grass is green in the summer, those Ann Arbor police people make sure that they have a pay check next week and leave me a ticket. They are extremely efficient. Fuckers.

So yes. I had a frustrating night. However, I had a wonderful start to my day when my new platonic friend and I had tea together. I guess I should name my new friend, or calling him my new platonic friend is going to start sounding weird. His name is Jim. He is super cool and extremely funny and he is buddhist! So I actually get to discuss these thoughts and ideas with someone, which is way cool. So welcome Jim to the Life as Katie crowd, I was brave enough to give him the blog address! (I made him promise to not hold any of the content against me :o)

Ok, I am going to kick back and relax for a bit.........so I can find that peace again.....damn peace, keeps walking away.........

Holidays

Martin Luther King Day. The U of M considers this a holiday, so no classes today. I always think that is strange that schools do this, shouldn't students be IN school learning about MLK? Anyway, I shouldn't complain, I have 2 classes that meet on Monday so I get to play catch up today. I have plenty to catch up on. I also need to do laundry and pick up some fresh food. Today is my first meeting with Andrew, the 19 year old UofM student who is my "trainer". That should be fun, or at least painful ;o)

I had a discussion with my new platonic friend about the fact that I can't tell if this other guy likes me or not, he said "are you retarded???" LOL.....ummm.....yeah, did I forget to mention that to you? rofl. I am great when it comes to being friends with guys, add a little attraction and well......I become retarded. So he gave me a few things to say to this guy, basically out right flirt with him, as in....."Hey, I have a crush on you". Yeah. So. We shall see how that pans out for me. LOL. This guy likes me and all, he wouldn't spend 12 hours with me if he didn't, and he wouldn't have emailed 12 times yesterday, however I can't tell if it is "like" or "like". ROFL. I am growing very tired of the personal ad thing. Wouldn't it be ok to just have made two platonic friends and call it good for now? (with one having the possibility of becoming romantic at some point). Meh.

Interesting

Ok, so this guy picks me up for lunch. We go to an Indian restaurant and the food was outstanding. He is a huge health nut and vegetarian so that was interesting to learn a few things from him. We then went and saw The Bucket List. Interesting movie to go to when you first meet someone as it is a real tear jerker at the end. It was hysterically funny for the duration, but the end had me just about sobbing. Luckily HE was crying too! (he even asked for a tissue!) So we came back to my apartment and sat and talked for hours. Finally I said do you want some tea or something? We started fixing tea and I remembered that a movie I had ordered from netflix should be in my mail box. He was game to watch it (13 conversations about one thing) (the one thing being happiness) It was an awesome movie, but made my brain hurt! We then talked for hours more! So after spending 12 hours together, he leaves, he gives me a hug. I said thank you for the dinner and movie, adding that I always feel a little uncomfortable that the man pays for all of that. He said "It was my pleasure and worth every cent". So here is the funny part.......I have no idea if he likes me. LMAO! Obviously he likes me enough that he spent 12 hours with me and his email to me when he got home was a thank you and that I have something very special to offer people..."Myself". ........but I don't get the feeling that he is attracted to me romantically. That would be fine with me, to make another platonic friend.......I just find it really interesting that it puzzles me. So far, the ad has made me 2 platonic male friends (both of whom are vegetarian) and if that is all that it ends up being, I am cool with that. They are both really cool people that make great friends! Anyway.....today is a day to get all of that homework done, since I didn't do a lick of it yesterday! Monday we are off because of MLK day. So I have an extra day to the weekend so to speak as it relates to homework. However I DO have things to accomplish today, so.....onward!

Peace.

PS...I have been at this apartment for 6 months now and today is the first day that I have heard my neighbors, the guy behind me is playing spanish type music VERY loud!!!!!!!! Strange that I have not heard my neighbors much before now!

Come and Go

Well, I was offered the job at the clinic today, and then turned it down. It is not fair for me to take the job, if I may have to leave it in a few months. (because of the research assistant position that a grant has been written for me). I did get my application in for the graduate school position. I am crossing my fingers that I will get that! If not, then I will have to hit the pavement hard to get something ASAP!

I have been talking to many different people, some that sound interesting to meet and others, not so much. I am meeting someone tomorrow. I had over 30 responses to my "ad"!! Good LORD! It is difficult, what if I cast off someone that would have been a great catch? At this point, if they are married (yes, married men have answered my ad), if they live with their parents (yes, I have had that as well) if they are 25 years old (yes, I have had that too!) and....this sounds REALLY shallow, but if they have no communication skills (or very little) or are not educated at least somewhat, they are getting tossed out. I am not one to be snobby, but I do want someone that I can talk intelligently to, so I am simply stereotyping here and saying, I want them to have some education beyond high school. Money is not an issue for me (been there done that), but the ability to pay their own bills is preferable. That takes the list of 30 down to a manageable few. But even then, how do you go about juggling them? I would be so turned off as a woman to know that the man had a date with another girl the next night! Obviously I won't tell them that, but I do at least need to MEET them in person to get a better idea if I am compatible with them! What a problem to have huh? HA!

I need to clean the apartment tonight and figure out what is on the list of homework to complete this weekend. I hope you have a great weekend! Peace.

Insomniac

Two more weeks on Chantix, then maybe I can have my sleep back! I also have worries of a financial nature. I seriously need to get a job. I balanced my checkbook and it is more serious than I had thought. I think that is one of the reason that I am wide awake at the moment. There is a good opportunity for me at the graduate school as an assistant. It would be a good opportunity. Trouble is, the application is due today, and there is quite a bit involved with that process, including an email from my advisor that it is ok for me to take such a position. Meh. I at least will try to make it happen. As it stands right now, long about March I will be out of cash. I tried to plan it better this term, but since I had to play catch up from last term, AND my funding was in essence cut this term (more in scholarship, which took less from another source which added up to be less in the long run, if that makes any sense to you all...LOL) It will work out. It has to.

Ok, that said, I need to get working on it! Peace.

Amazingly awake!

I was thinking that I would hit the hay around 9pm since I had such a crappy nights sleep last night, and here I sit, bright eyed and bushy tailed! I had a superb day. I am so excited about the new friends that I am making. I am also excited about the nature of my inner healing that has been happening. I got a new hair do today, basically the same that I have had, only I added bangs. I have lost 10 pounds, my pants are too big...LOL. I am sure I have the next size down in my closet somewhere, I just need to find them! I signed up for buddy gym (rofl) it is a UofM student who is willing to be my buddy at the gym. His name is Andrew and he is going to work my ass off 2 days a week and give me a plan for the other days. He is a 19 year old kid and seems really fun and knowledgeable, so I am looking forward to that. I have MANY irons in the fire at the moment, so I need to take care to not get overloaded because I am well aware that if I get too overloaded, school work will take a hit and I can't let that happen.

Ok, I am yawning now.....hmmm....does that mean that I bore myself? hee hee. Oh, before I go, my new "platonic" friend is doing a monthly potlock. He is putting together a group of people that will get together monthly for a potluck (vegetarian style). The location will travel to each members place of residence. Doesn't that sound like fun? Plus it multiplies my friends base exponentially! Ok......off to dream land......hopefully good ones tonight!

Sleeping

Ok, so this chantix shit is about to drive me insane..LOL. I need to get off of it as soon as possible. It gives me the strangest dreams and I end up waking up and then not being able to go back to sleep, likely out of fear of dreaming that shit again. rofl.

I am learning so much about myself with this whole singles ad thing. Very cool.

I have been awake for two hours and now feel tired again......my alarm is set to go off in an hour.....how lovely. No classes today, Wednesdays are great for that reason. It is a nice break in the middle of the week. I do have my day full of appointments however. I am taking the bus though, and walking to everything, I should get in at least five miles of walking today.


Ok, I think I will lay down, even if it is only for an hour, it is probably better than nothing. I could at least be having wild sex dreams.....but noooooo I have to dream about being chased...wtf?

Peace.

Emergency Departments

Not a place I enjoy going, particularly when I am the patient, which is what I was last night. UTI. Oh the joy (and the pain). I am still in pain because I didn't know where there was a 24 hour pharmacy, and I just wanted to come home. Now I need to get ready and go to the pharmacy and hope this shit starts working before I have to sit through a Philosophy lecture this afternoon.

I have been a busy girl. I think that Monday's are the longest days and that is what starts my week, so by Tuesday, it seems like it should be Wednesday at least!

Ok, I am not quite myself at the moment, I will have to come back and write a bit more later after I am feeling better.

Peace.

Peace.

A new week a new ....something....certainly not a dollar!! No job here yet. This whole dating things is probably a bit more than I can chew though. I am not giving up on it, but once I weed through these, if none of them sticks, or clicks, or whatever, then I am not going looking for more! HA! I did make a new friend that is strictly platonic, but he has been so awesome, so that alone has been worth it.

I have begun to think that there just isn't a moment in time during a term that I will feel like I am not buried and at the edge of having all of the homework be out of control. It is such an anxious feeling. I am hoping that my schedule goes a bit smoother this week. If I can get my schedule to flow, I think that will help with the buried and on the edge feeling.

This of course means that I need to get my ass off this machine, get dressed and head to my "study" area on campus. Mondays I have a good spot. Tuesday and Thursday, I could have a good spot if I would take the damn bus, so I may be doing that this week to get myself in that habit. Ok.....ta ta!!

Peace.

Horoscope........

Instead of taking today off, set reachable goals and then turn one part of your dream into reality. Even if your fantasies carry you far into the future, keep your actions focused on the present moment. Don't bite off more than you can chew. Remember, honoring a current obligation is more important than living in illusion.


This is very appropriate for me today. I did something yesterday that would shock most of you. I put out a singles type ad. I just am a bit tired of sitting around here. Over a dozen responses so far! HOLY SHIT! I actually went on a date last night! I could easily get caught up in this adventure, however I also need to stay focused on the HOMEWORK....hello! HA! I am sorting through all of these ads and thinking, 1) I should have done this a long time ago, and 2) DAMN! ROFL. Fun stuff.

Today is very full of homework, as I seriously need to get things under control. Of course I also need to do about 4 hours of aerobic activity every day now.....LMAO! This is it, I am going to start having FUN too!

Peace.

Being Me.

Yeah. So. I have this relationship to football blogs. I read. I post comments.I love football, particularly Michigan Football, so I surmise that is why I am there. I am simply "one of the boys". Hello? Is anyone home? Girls can not be one of the boys. It is virtually impossible. Even when you think you are one of the boys, and that they appreciate having you be one of the boys, the expectation changes. Then they find out that you are not tall enough, or you are too tall, or your eyes are more blue than they wanted them to be, or some such nonsense, and now you are not only no longer one of the boys, but you are the creepy girl that they wished would go away. Men are fucking lunatics (no offense to the Scott's).

I went to Craigslist last night to see if they had any coffee slinging jobs listed and noticed the personal section. How interesting I thought. There are a few different categories, "casual encounters", "missed connections" and the typical M4W, W4M, etc. sections. Missed connections is a bunch of people who didn't have the balls to say hello to someone so they post about it here and hope that this person that they described would read it and respond. No courage. Check. The casual encounters reads like a porn site (not that I know what that reads like!) I was shocked to find that there are MANY married men who are looking for NSA (no strings attached) sex with other married women. Ok, my first issue is, IF a married woman is not pleasing her hubby in bed, what makes these guys think that a married woman is going to please them? Then of course the normal reaction of, WTF? These married men are talking about buying gifts, giving full body massages, etc to their new found lover. Hello. If you took the time to do that with your wife, you might not have issues in bed. Meh. Men really are lunatics.

I did find out something interesting in Craigslist. The meaning of 420. I kept seeing this "let's be 420 friends" and I am thinking "what the hell does that mean?". So of course I google 420 and imagine my surprise to discover an entire wiki page on 420. Cannabis users. Yeah. Marijuana. Apparently back in the 70's, some high school kids in California met at a statue at 4:20pm to get high together smoking Cannabis. Thus the 420 was born. Interesting.

Such an interesting life I lead. I am off to take out the garbage and run over to the mall. Then of course it is more reading, and homework. Peace.

Jobs, research, etc.

Ok, the interview went well. I need to decide if I am going to take the job or not. I went to meet with my advisor and she is writing a grant for a research assistant and wants me to take be that assistant. That won't happen until Spring & Summer term. I can't take this job until then, it would not be fair to them. That sends me back to slinging coffee until I can become a research assistant though. Not sure what to do. In the meantime my advisor also wants me to submit an abstract to an ethics conference at Yale University. So that has been added to my list of things to do. Honestly though, my CV could use a presentation at Yale University on it, so I will go for it!

I have this GSI (Graduate Student Instructor) for one of my classes. He is a fifth year PhD student. He is really cute, but that is besides the point. He is so flippin smart. I was sitting there, listening to him talk and thinking, "Damn, I wish I was 25 again". Not to date him per say, but just to have a "do over" at life. Don't get me wrong, I love my life and it is getting better every single day, but if I would have gone to school and done all of this when I was 25 and met some smarty pants guy in graduate school, how fun that would have been. I get so turned on by guys who talk in complete sentences and use words that even I have to go home and look up in the dictionary! So, that didn't happen in my younger days, no reason it can't happen now! I am certainly in a location that makes the possibilities far more likely that it can happen. Might just be another reason to start slinging coffee ;o)

Ok, to that reading.....Peace.

Off Schedule

It is only the first full week and I have not stuck to my "schedule" once yet! This morning I am particularly running behind. Oh well. It is useful information so that I can adjust my schedule to better fit. I have an interview soon so I need to get busy, I did want to pop in here and say hey! My advisor emailed me this morning, seems there is something very pressing that she needs to discuss with me. (I can't wait to find out what that is *rolls eyes*). I hate those type of emails. If there is a problem, then say it and then we can discuss it in person, why make it sound like I am in trouble and make me feel anxious until 4pm tonight? Anyway, it is probably nothing too important, I haven't done any assignments yet (as none have been due yet). Ok, so the plate is full, this we anticipated and so far so good. I DO need the entire weekend to catch up on the readings though, so I will be a busy girl.

I do have one highlight, a Michigan friend made a DVD of the Florida vs Michigan game and that arrived in the mail yesterday. So this weekend I can relive the greatest game ever, KNOWING the outcome in this case is a bonus!

Ok, better get beautified and head to the interview, think good thoughts, this may not be the job for me, I am basically going to interview them...LOL!


Peace.

Residents

I am so happy that the school of dentistry has residents. I was able to have a resident drill on my tooth! She did a superb job and did not hurt me! Yeah! Unfortunately I must return to allow her to drill a bit more! I had a wonderful dinner and then my father called to tell me that my step grandmother (who I am not close with) passed away and that my step brother (who I care about, but am not all that close to) has advanced Lung cancer and is expected to die soon. This of course is bringing up some anxiety about what my role is as the step child and my responsibilities to school. Lots of things to consider. I hope that you all are having a wonderful day and that your weekend is superb! Peace.

Blink

I can't seem to get a grip on time this week. It is going so fast, or filled with so many things to do, I can't quite decide which it is! I am having dinner with a classmate tonight, so that will be fun. Tomorrow I go for a job interview. Yes indeed, a job interview. I heard that Crazy Wisdom Bookstore was hiring, which got me so excited as it is my favorite store in all of Ann Arbor, however they needed someone that could commit to every Thursday, all day and I can not do that. So that went down the drain in a hurry. Then I heard that Sweetwaters was hiring (a local coffee shop) and so I went there, nope, no help needed. So I picked up the Ann Arbor News, not a job in site (cept for nursing jobs, and why do I want to do that????) Well, maybe because slinging coffee is a minimum wage job and nursing will get me at least $25 an hour? Yeah. So. I get an email that a University run clinic is in need of a nurse case manager for 12 hours per week. What the hell. I send my CV. They respond. I am going for an interview tomorrow. It is for prenatal girls (which obviously is not my area of expertise) but it will be something different than death and dying and it will make me more cash than if I was slinging coffee. It will not however get me out meeting people that I am interested in meeting, but that is ok. Alright, I FINALLY get to go to the dentist and get this tooth worked on. It has really been hurting the last week. I wish I had some xanax I would be taking it about now! I HATE the dentist, and even worse when I know it already hurts........oye. Peace.

Give me a break!

I don't typically talk about my political beliefs here. On my space, you would see that one of my "friends" is Barak Obama. I support him for President. I think he will help to make changes that are desperately needed in our government. I am VERY against Clinton. In fact, I "joke" that if she wins, I will have to move to Canada. Obama won the Iowa Caucus, which was great. Clinton got "emotional" about losing and her hubby "got mad". (taken from news quotes) and the news media even suggested last night that those reactions are what turned the tide for Clinton in the NH caucus. Is that possible? Are people really out there voting for her for sympathy? I know she had a heckler the other day that told her to iron his shirts (I would not put it past her to have hired that heckler herself) to which she said, "I am fighting through the tallest glass ceiling there is". Here is my question. We did not like her hubby when he was the President and we REALLY did not like her when she was the first lady.....so why the love now? Honest to goodness, I am afraid of what she will do to this country if she becomes the President! Getting emotional because she lost the first caucus, are you serious? I am not getting into the woman's rights issue on this, or the fact that Men and Women are very different. Obviously I am a strong, independent woman, but there is no way that I can possibly support this woman for President. Not a chance in Hell. If she wins the Democratic nomination, it will force be back to the Republican side and that is even scarier! Oye, all I can do is vote, and hope to goodness that more people think like me in the end on this issue, because she would be a travesty as President. (I am sorry if you are a supporter of Clinton, feel free to leave your comments on why you do, maybe it will help ease my mind if she wins, this is simply my own personal belief and since this is my blog, I get to write what I think....ha!)

Whew!

I am not even half way through the week yet! Goodness the days are filled so full it seems like it should be Friday by now! No classes tomorrow, however I do have a meeting and then directly to lunch with the Dean. After that, I need to do laundry and buy some groceries. I am still getting my footing, but I can tell you this much, this semester is already going far better. I LOVE being on campus and having actual classes with real people. Last semester was basically self study for me. I am getting to know people and making dates to do things with them. Very cool indeed. I need to keep on task and work my plan. Very doable! I have a conference call tonight and I need to do a little reading before that, so I will sign off for now and hope that you are all having a splendid day. Peace.

On Campus

Ok, so I arrived on North Campus. This is the first time I have had a need to come to North Campus. I will be here every Monday this term though. I got lost a few times, and once I got here, I got lost again. Fortunately there was a professor who was willing to walk with me to find the building I needed. I parked in timbucktoo, oh well, a little more exercise for me today. The problem is that I only have an hour from when this class lets out and I have to be at my next class, which is on the medical campus (somewhere) No doubt I will be lost again. I think I am going to need to do the bus thing, cause I can't afford $10 a day for parking all term. Ben called and I talked to him for a bit. I had talked to Jordan and Chrystal the day they got back, but Ben was a hold out until today. It was nice to talk to him and he was going on and on about how proud he is of me (which was odd...LOL). Of course that was after I was telling him how proud I am of him and a situation that he navigated over the term break without the help of his momma. He is a good boy! Ok, I finally passed the Stats Module. It only took me 4 attempts! I had to pass it before the class starts this afternoon, so I am quite sure that I am marked with a big "L" for loser by the Prof even before I get into the class! Oh well. I will be the most improved student by the end of class. Okies, time to go find a little snackaroo and locate the classroom. Monday's are LONG days! Peace.

5 Books and counting!

Amazing! Now of course it is a major production at the post office! This week is rough, all of my "before class time" I have scheduled things, so I am on the run literally the entire week! Chantix is not making my life easier, the sooner I quit, the sooner I can quit taking the horrid pill. Ok.....gotta run......I won't be home until the tOSU game is well under way......I hate to miss a minute of it, but I am taking my lap top with me today, so I should at least be able to check on the game during class :P I may catch up with you all later.....just depends on how this day plays out! Peace.

One thing about selling books.......

I have sold 4 so far! I am amazed! Now of course, I have to add going to the post office to my list of things to do! I will stop and get a load of padded envelopes so it won't be as big of a hassle for the rest of them.

I am incredibly tired today, I simply want to sleep! I took a nap and ever since I woke up, all I can think about it going back to sleep. I will be going to bed directly! :o)

I am putting up a post tonight, as tomorrow will be a fairly busy day for me. I hope your day goes well! Peace.

New way to earn cash, or not so new...

One of my class mates told me that she sold a couple of her books on Amazon and made good money for it. I had thought I wanted to keep my books, so I never gave it a thought to sell them. I of course have a very active account on Amazon, although I have never sold anything on there. So I grabbed two books that I am fairly sure I will never open again (my research isn't even close to the concepts of these books) and I thought, let's see how easy it is. It was VERY easy! I have far more books than any person should own (unless they own a bookstore...lol) So I perused my selections and started going crazy! I listed 10 books! If they all sell it is approximately $250 buckaroos. I will take that! I think it could become an addiction...LOL. Fortunately I love my books way too much to part with very many of them. The old text books won't go though. Old books that might be out of print could bring in some great cash. I have a few of those, but I am not willing to part with them! I will likely be looking through my bookshelves over the next few days, one just never knows how much cash is just sitting there!

I have a few questions to answer for one of my classes, a little reading to do, and the stats module that I need to pass before class tomorrow night. Most of my day will be spent reviewing stats, much to my dismay, but better for me to have a clue when I arrive at class tomorrow, then be behind the eight ball for the entire two hours of class.

Other than that, Oh.....the book that is out of print.....a class mate copied the entire book, loaned it to me and I made my own copy of it. So, I won't need to worry about going to make copies at the Library each week. Thank goodness!

One last thought. The party last night was great fun. Fabulous food, the cake was to die for, (good thing I forgot to bring a piece home with me, my ass does not need more!) Scott made the perfect margarita for me, unfortunately I was driving home and could only have one! Big's brother Randy was there. I worked with Randy in the ER back home ( a long time ago!!) so it was so nice to talk to him and catch up . They worked so hard for their own party! Next time, I should have the party FOR them, then they can just show up and enjoy it! I love you guys! MUAH!

Peace.

UPDATE!! I sold 3 books already! Cool beans!

Statistics

That word is like a four letter foul word to me. LOL. I have been reviewing stats all day, it has been some time since I took undergraduate stats and I won't be taking graduate level stats until Spring and Summer, nevertheless I do have a data management class this term that requires stats knowledge. Right. Yeah. So. FUCK! All three of my kids are natural math whizzes. They can sleep through calculus and get an A. I called me daughter to bribe her to come next weekend to visit me and tutor me on stats. (She was a TA for her stats prof), she is going to "see" if she can provide a little time for me. Oye! At the very least I need to go buy a stats book as a reference.

I am showered and just need to beautify myself for the Party tonight. I am very pleased that I am going to be with real live people tonight! I need that. Tomorrow the UofM's Music Department is selling their tickets for the season at half price for Students, so I am going to buy 2 (I think for the San Francisco Symphony). I just want to get out and do things, sitting in this apartment is going to make me nuts!

Ok, time to get beautified. Laters. Peace.

P A R T Y ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Tonight is the long awaited birthday party for Scott and Scott! I am so excited! A party is always fun, but even better is the opportunity to let your friends know how special they are to you! From now until then, I will be doing reading for two of my classes and some preparation for one of my other classes. I am determined to stay on top of the work load this term so that it does not become an impossible mission. Remember that I shared that I had gotten most of my books via BigWords.com which is a site that locates the cheapest price on the books that people are selling. Well, at class yesterday, one of the books that we had to buy, the kids were all complaining that it cost them $185 for that ONE book. I looked, and that book is one that I paid $55 for! The book had arrived and the CD was there, unused (important to have the CD) and the book was like new, not all marked up or water damage. I got the deal of the century! Thankfully another book arrived yesterday as well. I am truly grateful that these books continue to arrive timely, and to have saved so much cash by doing it this way, I certainly will be doing it again. The trouble is that you really need to the profs to give the syllabus prior to the start of class, to give you time to order them. Ok, well that is probably way more than you cared to know about my book situation. HA!

My stomach has calmed down a bit, so I started taking the Chantix again to quit the nasty habit. I had forgotten about the nightmares that it causes. I woke up so often last night with HORRIBLE nightmares......I was being chased in one, chased by nobody, but still I was chased (does that even make sense? lol) I kept wondering what does that mean to be chased in a dream. There is some meaning to that. Then I remembered the Chantix and figured I would just need to suffer through for a few weeks. I am not a fan of night terror, but we do what we must do to get done what needs to get done.

Peace.

Welcome to day Two

I hate morning classes! At least this class only meets once a month! My plan was to workout for 60 minutes each morning. That is not working out so well. I am going to change my schedule around to work out in the afternoon/evening time. I am just not a ball of energy in the morning! So far so good though. Lots to do this weekend, although I will get a little break as I get to go to Scott and Scott's birthday P A R T Y . Woot! Ok, I need to hit the road, but first let me leave you with a thought for the day:

We could never have guessed that we are already blessed where we are ~ James Taylor

In my push to "live" my life, it is easy to forget or possibly not even recognize the good in our lives that exists at every moment. As I sit and meditate, it helps me to remember to be present to this life, to every second of it, the good moments and the bad moments. I actually learn far more from the bad moments than I do from the good moments! Being present in the here and now, this is what makes every moment a cherished moment and helps us feel blessed exactly where we are right now.

Peace.

The first day always seems to suck!

So yeah. I go into my Philosophy of Science class and the prof says something about not having taught underclassmen in a while. Huh? Half the class are underclassmen. How ridiculous is that? Even more strange, one of my profs from another class and her GSI are in this class with me. That worked out well today though because I had stopped to pick up software that I thought I needed ($200!!!!) I was telling them about it and they said to take it back because I don't need it! Whew!!! Which of course I did promptly. Another course pack that I need for tomorrow, I went to 3 bookstores to find, waiting in line at each bookstore (imagine, the first day of classes on a large campus, yeah. lots. of. fun. not.) And the course packet was no where to be found. I refused to walk the 10 blocks to the next bookstore. It is TWO degrees outside! So, after all of that, I decided to take myself to dinner. I had a wonderful cup of soup and salad and TWO margaritas.....ha! Now......I think I am going to work on this bracelet that I am making for myself and kick back a little. Tomorrow is another round of great fun. The philosophy class alone is going to kill me with the reading!! I have 3 other classes besides that.....and a job to locate! Good thing I started meditating again! Peace.

Panic and Banks

Well, I got my funding check on Saturday and ran to the ATM and deposited it. It is all good, right? Write the checks and send in the bills! Load up on the sale items to get me through until the next funding check, sounds like a good plan. Only trouble is I get an email notice from my bank telling me I am overdrawn. WTF? I run over to the bank and they said "The check is drawn on an out of state bank, it will not be available for use by you until after January 7th." Ummm..folks, that is 10 days for a check that came from the University of Michigan and this is Ann Arbor!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, I was not pleased and then I began to cry (and I really hate when I do that in front of other people) she obviously did not like me crying either, as there was a huge line of people waiting for service, she didn't even offer me a tissue as I sat there sniffing it up. GRRRRR I so hate to loss my emotions!! So she released a portion of it, the rest will be held until the 7th. Fees were dropped (yeah, every time I have used my debit card since Saturday....fees, $32 a pop) And they waited until TODAY to notify me? What a lovely start to this day.......At least it was worked out. However, I WILL be going to the UofM bank and opening an account, it is so tight money wise when that funding check comes, waiting for 10 days is not going to work. Good grief.......one would think that Ann Arbor would be a little more progressive!!

First Class Today!

It all begins again today! My first class is this afternoon. My second one is tomorrow morning and third and fourth will meet for the first time on Monday. At least I have a weekend in between the four classes to adjust! I don't have any of my books yet, which of course makes me very nervous. The class today is the one I don't have the syllabus for yet, so I was not even able to order that book (or books). I will go to the bookstore after that class and get them, plus a course pack for tomorrow's class. There is one book that is out of print for tomorrow's class that the prof emailed and said that we would have to go to the library to copy from the reserved pages each week. (that isn't going to happen) I need to think of what I will do about that. As always each class has a boat load of journal articles to read. I get 400 pages of copies each term so I will drop by the computer center and print off as many of them as I can today. If you remember last term, within the first month, I had used 3 black ink cartridges, 7 reams of paper AND my 400 pages from the school. I am expecting similar results for this term. So, it begins. I hope that each of you is enjoying the start of this new year! Peace.

Hail to the Victors!!

I am going to try this and I don't know if it will work, but here is the highlights of the Michigan win! Very cool indeed!!

Day 2

Day 2 of the new year and I am still glowing from the MIchigan win yesterday. God it was sweet! However, real life is beginning to kick in, classes begin tomorrow. I still need some software and a few other errands to run today. I have myself on a "schedule" now to keep myself in check. Remember last year when I did the Zen moments? Well, I am going to be sharing similar type thoughts on occasion again. I have a daily type book that I am reading this year, each morning before meditation I read a passage from one of Mark Nepo's books called "The book of awakening". The sub title is having the life you want, by being present to the life you have. Seems fitting for me this year huh?

Today's passage described a story of a man who had been meaning to paint his living room for some time and was finally doing it, when he gathered all his supplies and was trying to get through the door, only he didn't want to put down anything to get the door open, eventually he lost his supplies and fell and paint covered him. I am a pack horse, I have a second story apartment and I will carry 10 bags of groceries in one trip, to save myself from multiple trips, so I understand this concept well. He then applies this to our lives in a very clever way. There are doors in our lives that we must open and enter, yet if we are carrying baggage of some sort, it is difficult to get through the door successfully. We must take inventory so to speak and see what it is we are carrying and put it down so that we can successfully go through the door. Sort of like my post titled inventory. It is simply time for me to put the old thinking pattern down and walk through the door to the rest of my life. Sounds so simple! That is what I am doing this year. Setting down the baggage and walking through the door. There will be many doors to walk through in the days to come! Who needs to carry all of this shit around with them anyway? I hope that you each find ways to set down your own baggage and walk through your own doors. Peace.

It is Great to be a Michigan Wolverine!

Photo credit Pierre Ducharme / Reuters

We won! I knew that we could do it and I actually lived through the entire game! It was a great game, the best game that they played this entire year! We dominated Florida the entire game! Hail to the Victors! Of course the press gives us NO love. The old Michigan era has gone out with a new look (they ran a spread offense!) and the new era is coming in strong! Gotta love it! I can NOT wait for September.......it is going to be so sweet!

Happy New Year!

Today is the first day of the rest of your life, and all that jazz! I awoke to a beautiful winter day in Michigan! I thought I would share a couple of photos with you all, particularly for those who don't have the privilege of getting to see the beauty of snow!

Today is the day of many bowl games! At 11am it all begins and will end late tonight. Of course the biggest game for me today is the Michigan vs. Florida game which starts at 1pm. I am hoping that the real Michigan team shows up, the one that we dreamed of before September 1st. It is possible if our key players are healthy, which they were not for most of the season. They have had time to heal, so there really is a chance. It is Lloyd Carr's last game as well as all of the Seniors and possibly some underclassmen who will go into the draft early. This is the end of an era for Michigan football, I so hope that they go out in a blaze of glory! It will be a challenge, but they CAN do it!

LET'S GO BLUE!!!