Friday, February 15, 2008

Happy Funeral Day

Odd title, but I like it. Today is the day that I get to begin to put Spencer's death behind me. Certainly there are things to work through still. As with most events such as this, it has brought my family closer together. It has in some ways validated what I am doing with my life, they seem to understand a bit more the "why" I am doing it. Although, the obituary did not list me as Catie Green (or even Katie Green) and did not list me as from Ann Arbor. I mentioned it to my mother, just as a interesting point and she comes back with "you are lucky that we named you at all" (meaning when I was born, I am lucky that they named me at all when it was BORN.......WTF?) It just seems to be way too much to ask for my family to acknowledge who I am. Typical. It has been happening for 46 years and it really is not going to stop....LOL. I had sent a card to Spencer about two weeks before he died. I wanted him to know how proud I was of him. He sent me a card back and he called me Katie on the card. That meant the most to me, for him to acknowledge me as who I am. For those of you who do not know, I grew up as Cathy and I changed about twenty years ago to Katie. My family refuses to accept it. So the fact that I am changing it to Catie is not a big deal to them, coz they still won't acknowledge it.

Wow, how did I go off on that? Well, brothers and my sister we really have done some bonding this week. I think when a sibling dies, it strikes much closer to your own mortality and you realize it could be YOU next or any of your other siblings. So we have been almost too sentimental.....but it has been nice.

I still have the other thoughts rolling around in my head....... I will get to them soon enough.......and the huge hole I have dug in my school work.....well......that too.


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