Thursday, February 14, 2008

New thought.

Interesting. I have done really good work to know myself and love myself.

I am full of compassion.

I have such a big heart.

The people that come into my path, seem to need someone like me as a friend.

It makes me wonder.

It even really scares me.

Could it be....

That I am alone....

To care for others.....

It is a possibility that I must consider. Like, becoming some buddhist nun or something. (I am quite sure that buddhist nuns couldn't possibly think of sex as much as I do......tell me that is not my calling!!!

Maybe it is just for now (I have said this for 20 years...shit)

Way deep down, in the far corners of my heart, there is a feeling, this stinging, painful feeling.......what if this is true?

I need to consider the possibility, coz I don't want to ever be old and bitter, and it seems like that could happen if I don't protect against it.

Deep Breathe. Come what will come, coz......I am fucking awesome.......and I have some fucking awesome friends...(Yes I mean you!!!..:o)

Today is the day of the viewing for my brother. Tomorrow is the funeral (did I already tell you this?) I will be leaving here a little after noon (need to run a few errands) and then I will return tomorrow afternoon. I keep telling this to people and I keep thinking......who cares??? LOL. I guess it is important for me to tell people. LOL.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Big Here.... or is telling people a therapeutic way of bringing closure to your brothers death? Like a stepping stone on moving forward with life and enjoying what you have around you? Oh god did I just typed that stuff. I sound like my older brother Lonnie...LMAO!