Friday, February 22, 2008

Cabin Fever

I am going nuts being alone in this apartment!!!!! ACK! Thankfully Ernest is picking me up in the morning to take me out for a cup of tea and a reading of my I Ching. I wonder if he will notice if I grab on to his leg and drag along as he leaves. Ok, so it is not that bad. But now that Jim has his new girlfriend, I am complete and total chopped liver, New Scott, well, I am fairly certain that he is avoiding me. I am not certain WHY he is doing that......but......all I can do is hope the best for his life and do what I can to be a good friend. I think at this point it means leaving him alone. I can say all of this here because neither Jim or New Scott come here to read my blog.....isn't that weird??? Like really, seriously, YOU guys all come here everyday to read my boring life, I can not imagine WHY they don't want to....ROFL!

Trying to get caught up on this homework, it simply sucks. And I am having a terrible time of getting my head into it.

I cried a LOT today. For many reasons. I hardly cry and it seems like I have been doing that too much lately. Certainly my brother's death weighs into all, but today seemed more unidentifiable. That could be repressed grief though. Often times when current grief is allowed time to be, it opens the door for other times that grief was repressed. So, I just let myself cry. What else is there to do? Stuff it down so it can come up at another time? Yeah. No thanks.

I am glad that Ernest is going to spend a little time with me. I think I need to be careful and not give the impression that I want to latch on to his leg, like he is my last local friend and if I lose him too, what the hell am I going to do? Do you realize how much energy it took for me to make these friends? Shit.

There is one more "boy" that has been hanging out there since this all began. So, I may go for a walk with him this weekend. We have had a difficult time actually connecting, but one of us always seems to make contact again, so maybe it is simply meant to be that we meet. So, even though I said I am done with the boys, I am making this one exception. There really are not any others left, so it is my last exception. That is, if we are able to connect this time.......we shall see. He does seem pretty cool though.

Well. I need to try to do ONE more assignment before bed. Then a good night sleep. I have one of those "I cried all day" headaches.......sinus pressure..... And PLEASE.....I am fine, it really is good to get that all out there, so no pity parties please!! Hugs are good though!



ellen said...

I'm thinking and reading at the same time - sometimes not all that easy.
I'm thinking it's time for girlfriends. The "boy" thing just seems like it's screwin' with you too much.
Women in your age bracket must be hanging out somewhere. Look for them, have tea with them, chat with them.
The power of women is the strongest I know.

Catie said...

Good Point Ellen. I am not sure how to do that. I guess I could put an ad out for female friends......I would probably end up with a bunch of non-heterosexual women....LOL!!

I am just.....keepin on, keepin on. You and Jenny wouldn't want to move to A2 would you?? :o)

Little said...

Non-heterosexual women?????????


That's the strangest way to say LESBO that I've ever heard.