Tuesday, December 04, 2007
I decided to give myself an evening of rest. The panic today was intense. I am not a fan of the physical symptoms of anxiety. I will spare you the details. Thus, a break. I am not even reading the paper, just forgetting it. I did get a good cry out of all of it. Which I rarely do, and I probably should cry a few more tears just to get it out, that will have to wait for the weekend. Now it is just time to get through this week. I find it amazing actually, that the logical side of my brain can see how it all makes sense, the emotional parts of me seem to say "who cares if I shouldn't feel that way, I am going to feel that way anyways". I did not realize just how much the whole transition of my life this year would affect me. I am fairly sure that my behavior and actions the last few months can be broken down to reveal that I didn't make a smooth transition. Of course I knew that it would not be smooth, I really had thought that I have lived through worse, so what is the big deal?! Well, it was a big deal and I ignored it. We all know what ignoring things will do to us. So, deep breath......smile.......and you know what, I am 3 days away from finishing my first semester in the doctoral program at the University of Michigan with at least a 3.5. I am fairly sure that is something to be proud of. :o) Another good thought.........Saturday night I get to enjoy the company of 2 wonderful friends, that will be a nice way to celebrate the end!. (Scott and Scott, no backing out now!!!) For tonight though........breathe, smile, and Oh yeah, Baileys and hot cocoa (I put the baileys first because it is more baileys than hot cocoa :P Well, I suppose that is enough whine for one evening. This too shall pass. Peace.