You know.........when.......

You know you need friends, when your daily social contact is with a college football blog.....LMAO! Good Golly......I am in serious need of getting out and making a few friends! And that time would come when.............hell freezes over....LMAO. I am not making it back home to work a few days.......this is perpetual (hmmm....is that how you spell that?) (Yep..just checked it..LOL.....and it means never ending or changing.......I chose the perfect word!) Seriously though, I am slightly worried about the social aspects of my life. It is not as if I have not met anybody, but I seem to keep a close distantance.......some wall so to speak........I am not totally clear on why I am doing this. I do know however that it is making me cranky. Possibly the perpetualness (not a word, but work with me on this one) of the situation tires me as well. By all accounts what I am feeling is very typical for the first semester of a doctoral program. As discussed this year in my blog.........it is more than just the first semester of a doctoral program........so many changes in my life......changes that have isolated me. I almost wonder if that is not what I was trying to do. I find a better presence of mind when I settle into my spiritual support system that I have developed this year. I just seem to forget to do that sometimes. Being mindful, being present with each moment.....when I think of that, I feel more in control. I also seem to be sabatoging myself in some way......this only tells me that I have some insecurity issues......and that just pisses me off.....LOL. On Sunday I did go to a local services of meditation and enjoyed that and I will continue to go, hopefully I will find a community of people to enter my world.......but even that thought sends fear into me. Anyway, I am just having a thoughtful morning and wanted to "type" it all outload and see how it sounds. (sounds pretty pathetic, if you ask me, LOL!). Now, it is time to dig back into the homework........part of the problem with homework is 1) my eyes really have gotten worse and all of this reading and writing gives me a headache and is frustrating! 2) I feel like I am reading Greek.......it is not computing in my brain. It is not difficult stuff to read, in fact it is stuff that I spent 5 years using in my job (health policy, leadership...etc) So this by all accounts should be a piece of cake,........but I read and have no idea what I read..........which tells me that I have mental or emotional issues underlying and I really should be clearing those up, so that I can read something once and understand it......it sure would make a huge difference in time on homework! Ok....that is my whine fest......if it irritates you to listen to me whine.....BITE ME! (and don't read it....lol). I do feel better to get that out......now....back to the homework.