Good Lord.......if I didn't have to quit smoking again, I would start smoking. No shit.
There is no end to this. There just isn't. Shit is getting piled higher and higher. I think if I can accept that, and just know that for the next 7 weeks, I am going to be piled with shit, I might survive it.
The first semester was bad. This semester is bad in a different way. Of course a death in the family is an extra set of circumstances. Also my social life has had some playing time in this drama as well. All in all, I am learning probably what I am suppose to be learning in my first year of doctoral school. Basically that graduate school is a pile of shit, that just keeps getting piled higher and deeper and you win by having persistence in the face of the pile of shit. Nice.
There is no end. And I need to rise to a different level than I am currently on in order to be successful. I feel like I need MORE ambition or more drive (where the hell I get that is beyond me).......that is what it is though, persistence in the face of a pile of shit piled higher and deeper every time you blink your eyes.
This too shall pass.