Saturday, August 18, 2007

Back "home"

I have returned to A2. I am not certain that I am considering this my "home" yet. I rather feel as if I am staying in some hotel. I spoke with Paul yesterday (my head shrink friend) and talked with him about the fact that I don't have "people" in my life. Now, before you all go and get all of course are very special people in my life. I am speaking of friends that live
"next door", friends that I can call up and say, "want to go for a walk with me?" Or some such nonsense. Interestingly enough, I don't think I have had that ever in my life. (with the exception of Jodi) Honestly, I have spent my life, living for my children. I stayed home, did things with them, went to their sporting events and hung out with them. THEY are the ones that I would say, "hey, do you want to go for a walk with me?" More often than not, they would say yes. (Ben and Chrystal, both of them are my chatter boxes that would love to have an hour with me as their captive audience...LOL). As they got older, I became increasingly aware of this fact, and I did not move here with any illusions that I would NOT be lonely, even my children knew I was going to be lonely without them! I believe that I am simply at a point that I am saying, "yeah, Ok, so now let's do something about it". Where does one begin? When classes start, I am sure I will be having an instant group from my cohort who are starting their PhD this year also. Do I really want to only surround myself with acedemia? (sp?) Seriously, if you want to make friends, you have to do something to make them, sitting in an apartment and hoping someone is going to knock on your door and say "hey, you want to be friends?" is not a realistic thought. Not that I have had that thought, but I certainly am not knocking on any doors saying that either. So, long story short..........I need to put myself out there, in some fashion. Tomorrow I will go to the buddhist temple, I really want to find a group to sit with on occasion. Buddhists are very accepting, it is not required for me to be a buddhist to sit with them, although I am not far from being called a buddhist (my kids call me one! LOL). Sitting in meditation alone is not the same as sitting with others, the energy of the other souls is inspiring, and I miss sitting with others, so that is one thing I will do. Today I am going to the studio to melt some glass, and pop around dowtown a bit. I want to find an art supply store, I need to get a few canvas', I think creating my own wall art would be awesome. These tasks might not find me new friends, but I do promise to keep my eyes open and my heart open to new possibilities. I believe that might be enough thoughts for one day. My thoughts and prayers are being sent to each of you, that you may be happy, that you may feel safe and protected, and that you may live your life with ease. Peace ~~~~

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