Sunday, July 06, 2008

Boring!

My blog is so fricken boring! My apologies to those who view this regularly. I realize that I have gotten very stale. It seems that all of my "creativity is being sucked dry working on my writing projects. I really miss my art and how that stirred my creativity. I see no hope for changing that at this point. There is no time for me to melt glass, even if I had a studio set up. I feel as if I have gotten into some crazy rut that I can not pull out of. Relationships take tons of energy and that certainly has helped to stagnate me in some ways. (Not a bad thing, just a transitional thing) The one thing about "the boy" is that he is actually fairly social and much of what we do is with other people. It isn't that we have sucked into each other and the rest of the world has gone away, I have not however incorporated "my friends" into this relationship. Not for any reason in particular, more because I am simply going "along for the ride" so to speak. In some ways I feel a lack of direction. Being of a buddhist mindset, each day is what matters most, I think that I am taking that in a literal sense, and not necessarily looking to the future as much as I should be.

Ok, now I am rambling! I just feel as if there is so much more to say beyond "I am busy". There is so much more to life, there is so much that could/should be discussed. There is no question that working on my PhD has been THE most challenging thing I have ever done in my life. I am not afraid that I won't be successful in accomplishing it, I do wonder sometimes what the price of this is going to be in the long run. My desire to do this is altruistic in the sense that I hope to be an agent for change in how people who are seriously ill and dying are cared for in our country, but it is also entirely selfish in that I want my life to have meant something.

I suppose that is where this post originates from, what am I writing that will have meaning, that might touch others in a positive way? Right now, not a hell of a lot! I promise to be more thoughtful about what I post here, so those of you who do come to read, will get more than "Damn that girl bitches a lot!" :o)

Peace my friends.

2 comments:

ellen said...

Hey, chica, you don't owe us anything. And what do you mean you want to make sure your life has meaning? You've already been a major force in EOL issues with your hospice in Three Rivers, with your bead making and with your kids.
Getting your PhD is huge and something you will be very proud of but even if it doesn't happen, you have still made a difference.

Catie said...

And exactly what would I do without my friends? Holy cow, thanks Ellen! :o)